I have been saying for some time now that in order to advance the the cause of Female Supremacy we need to show more women the benefits of a Female Led lifestyle. If more women arrive at this decision for themselves (rather than being, perhaps unwillingly, introduced to it by their husband or boyfriend) then I think we are more likely to achieve some sort of momentum towards the change we want to see.
I have often said that we need some sort of sympathetic coverage in mainstream Ladies' magazines such as Cosmo or Company but it hasn't yet (as far as I know) happened. I decided to write something myself as an example of the sort of thing I mean. Naturally this piece absolutely could not be used. Among its (undoubtedly many) faults there are two main ones that make it totally unsuitable; 1) It is a work of complete fiction; and 2) it is written by a man - me. For this to be a success it must, I suggest, be written by a real woman, from a woman's perspective, and it must be real.
I throw it out here as a suggestion. Anyone got any contacts in the publishing industry? Any freelance journalists out there?
Feel free to comment or make suggestions.
Have Your Cake and Eat it
by Stephanie Taillo
Most of us are too young to remember the 1950's, but we all have an impression of that simpler time. Just mentioning the decade conjures up an idyllic image of the hard working husband returning home to his doting wife. The house is spotless, dinner is on the table and she rushes around him to take care of his every need. He takes care of the decisions and she just needs to make sure they happen. She has no money of her own, but manages a budget to ensure the smooth running of the house with the housekeeping money given to her by her husband.
Well perhaps not so idyllic for the little lady. And besides, we like our jobs now. We like the money and the independence. We like the fact that we can have a career. we like the fact that people listen to what we say now. We like to call the shots. The problem is that we still have to do all the other stuff too. Oh sure, we have labour saving devices like washing machines and dishwashers and we have convenience food and takeaways, but somehow life still seems, well... hard work...
The good news ladies, is that we can have our cake and eat it too. We can have the big job and the responsibility. We can call the shots - as a growing number of women are discovering - at home as well as at work. Many women have discovered that there is a growing army of men who are willing to support their wives or girlfriends in their career, not just doing (finally!) their fair share of the chores, but doing all the housework and allowing their wives to make all the decisions. What do they get out of this? Well it seems they just want to make us happy! Some men have always put women on a pedestal. It seems that now they are prepared to clean around it too!
To find out more I spoke to a couple who live just this sort of life. Susan and Steven Rennie (not their real names) have been together for eight years and married for five of those years. I spoke to them at their smart (and clean!) London flat. Steven ushered me in and very politely took my coat and bag. He is a tall, slim, rather good looking man, dressed in chinos and a smart shirt. He seemed charming and relaxed. Susan was in the living room. She had come straight from work and was still in the customary uniform of the successful woman executive - a charcoal grey business suit with black stockings and black pumps. She was strikingly attractive and not what I had expected. She has dark hair, dancing eyes, and a winning smile. When She spoke she had just a trace of an educated Scottish accent. I felt immediately at home. Steve asked me what I would like to drink and within seconds it seemed, returned with my requested gin and tonic, perfect with ice and a slice of fresh lemon, together with a glass of wine which Susan did not request but which he seemed to know she would want, on a silver tray. He did not have one for himself. I was not expecting what happened next. "Thank you Steve" said Susan, "You may have a glass of orange juice if you wish." Steve thanked her and went off to the kitchen. Susan smiled at me and merely said "It's his little treat. I normally only allow him water." I was, unusually for me, struck silent. Susan filled the gap with a question. "Would you like Steve with us for the interview or would you prefer to talk to me alone?" I stammered that I would like to talk to them together and, as Steve sat down with his drink of juice, we started the interview.
Stephanie: Susan, how would you describe your relationship?
Susan: Well I believe the term which best describes the nature of our relationship is what's now known as a "Female Led Relationship". There's nothing sinister or odd about it. It's just that Steve and I had come to realise that I was rather better at making decisions and deciding how things should be run, and he was happy for me to take that role.
Stephanie: How did this come about?
Susan: We had been together for about two years and, I suppose, living together for about a year. We were both working hard at the start of our careers. We met, incidentally, when we were working for the same City consulting firm; but soon afterwards I left to join the Law Firm that I now work for. My career really started to take off and I was so busy at work I asked, or rather told, Steve that he should take on more of the chores at home. I remember being surprised when he not only said he would - without argument - but actually told me not to worry, that he would take care of the chores - all of them - and that he would enjoy doing them for me. At first I was a bit suspicious. I thought it was some sort of trick! But I was just too tired to worry about it. He really did it too. He went from being a "feet up on the sofa watching football while I did all the housework" kind of guy to a "let me do that for you" kind of guy almost overnight. Pretty soon I just accepted it. In fact on occasion when I would try to do some laundry or something Steve would take it off me and make me sit down whilst he took care of it. I was bemused but happy and in fact it didn't take long before I started to expect it. I would find myself asking him why the floor hadn't been washed or some such.
It was also around that time that I got a promotion at work. I found myself in quite a senior position as a young woman in a thrusting law firm. I confessed one night to Steve that I got quite a kick out of telling older men what to do and the fact that I really enjoyed the authority. Steve surprised me once again when he said "How would you like that at home too?"
Stephanie: What was your reaction?
Susan: Well I was flabbergasted. Especially when he explained what he meant. At fist I though he meant all sort of kinky stuff. I was horrified. I mean I know what a dominatrix is, in fact I even dressed as one once when I went to a fancy dress party whilst I was at college, but that wasn't what I was into. Fortunately Steve was at pains to point out that it wasn't what he wanted either and told me about the term "Female Led Relationship". Now you need to remember that the Internet wasn't as advanced back then, but nevertheless I started to google a bit. Again I was lucky. I know that there is a lot of male focussed fantasy stuff out there, but one of the first sites I came across was the "She Makes the Rules" forum. It's run by women and it's very friendly. There's almost no weird kinky stuff there and the other women helped me to understand why my man had come to me and asked me to take authority over him. It saved my life really. I can't put it any stronger than that. It really is a very valuable resource for women just starting out in a FLR. I got myself verified as a "real woman" and that allowed me access to the secret women only forum where the other girls were so helpful. It helped me come on so much that I am now a moderator for SMTR and I am now helping other women myself.
Stephanie: What did you learn?
Susan: Well I think the main thing is that no-one can tell you how to "do it right". There is no "right" way to run a Female Led Relationship, it's the way the works for you is the right way, and the only way. On many sites, all too often the men are saying "Oh you must do xyz to him" or "You're not a proper domme unless you do abc." Well that's plainly nonsense. If our relationship is to be led by me, it means I'm in charge and I'll do what I want to do, what suits me, and what is best for OUR relationship.
Stephanie: So once you'd had time to think about it?
Susan: I suppose I had always been a bit bossy, even as girl, so once the initial shock had passed and once I had had time to absorb what it really meant I began to think that there could be something in this for me. I actually came to enjoy the concept of being in charge completely.
Stephanie: How did it work out in the early days?
Susan: Well it wasn't always easy. We are a pretty normal couple. Both strong willed and intelligent, both with experience and points of view, but gradually we adapted to our new roles. I found out how best to use Steve's skills and abilities to our mutual advantage and he learned to trust my judgement.
Stephanie: Were there any "aha!" moments?
Susan: Oh lots! I can remember one time when I wanted to watch a drama on TV. Steve had settled in to watch some football match or other..
Steven: It wasn't just any old match! It was an England World Cup qualifier!
Susan: Yes well to me it was a silly old game of football. Anyway, in those days we only had one TV and I thought I was in for a battle. Truth be told I would have given in and let him watch the match because I really couldn't face the argument; but I just said to him "I want to watch my programme. There's laundry that needs doing. Go and do that..." When Steve got up without a word an handed me the remote control, that's when a lightbulb went on in my head.
Stephanie: How did things develop from there?
Susan: We settled into our roles I guess. Our home became a very happy place. No stress, no conflict. Things got done. We became closer. About a year or so later we got married.
Stephanie: What was that like?
Susan: Oh it was a really conventional wedding. Typical girly fantasy - big white dress all the trimmings.
Steven: Not totally conventional...
Susan: Well it's true we had a female vicar, but that's no so unusual these days.
Steven: It was then. And what about the vows?
Susan: Oh yes! We had the old fashioned traditional vows.
Steven raised his eyebrow meaningfully.
Susan: Well they were! (She smacked him playfully on the thigh. She blushed a little) It's just that we reversed a few of them... Steven promised to "Love, honour and obey" me!
Stephanie: What was the reaction to that?
Steven: Well I guess the very few close friends who knew the truth were not surprised, most of the rest probably didn't even notice, and those that did probably just though the vicar made a mistake.
Stephanie: You went a bit further than that though didn't you?
Steven: You're referring to our name? (I nodded). Well yes. That was more difficult than I expected. I agreed to take Sue's name rather than the other way around. When a wife takes her husband's name there are a whole raft of things in place to make that happen quite easily. When I wanted to take Sue's name there was a whole load of red-tape, but basically it boiled down to changing my name by Deed Poll.
Stephanie: But how did that go down with your friends and family?
Steven: Well I have to admit I chickened out a bit on that one. I should have said that Sue was the Head of the Household and I was proud to take her name, but in reality I just said that she was an only child, which is true, and the last of a long line of Rennies, which is true, and that we didn't want the name to die out, which was a cop-out but was probably necessary to avoid embarrassment to some of the older members of my family. Most people have just got used to it now and probably don't even remember the time before.
Stephanie: So Sue, what does being in a FLR mean in practical terms?
Susan: Well in practical terms it means that when I get up early for that important meeting I know that I am going to have clean knickers, I know that my blouse and skirt will be ironed. I just don't have to worry about those little things. They are only little things, but they can become very big things when they go wrong. It also means that life is just more efficient. In the past, I would usually get my way on a decision (whether it was big or small) but we would usually - at best - debate and - at worst - argue round and round until eventually Steve came to agree with me. Now that whole process is short-circuited. I will ask Steve for his opinion (which can be valuable given his experience and expertise), take it into account and then inform him of my decision. Much quicker.
Stephanie: Steve, what's in it for you?
Steven: Well I love Sue very much. I love to see her so happy and so successful in her career and it gives me great pride to be a support to her.
Stephanie: And do you really do ALL the housework?
Steven: Yes. Although Sue enjoys cooking so she does that sometimes. Naturally I always clear up. It was hard at first, but now it seems second nature to me. I would feel mortified if I saw Sue doing any cleaning or laundry or ironing. It just wouldn't be right. It's sometimes hard for her too. Occasionally she works from home and I am not usually at home during the day. I have had to insist that she does not clear up after herself as she often put things in the dishwasher herself. She shouldn't have to do that. Now I take a real pride in the fact that her house is clean, that she can be comfortable here, bring friends back without fear of embarrassment.
Besides, I really don't know where the tradition of women doing housework arose. After all, men are generally stronger, so if there's any scrubbing or elbow-grease required then surely it is better for a man to do it than a woman? Also we are more logical. I used to despair when I saw Sue vacuuming. She would be all over the place, miss bits, do some bits three times, and generally take twice a long as I do...
Stephanie: OK, I have to ask this. What your sex life like?
Susan laughed, but blushed slightly.
Susan: Well I think it's quite normal really.
Stephanie: No difference between now and the time before you discovered Female Led Relationships?
Susan: Not really. We have an active and healthy love life. I guess it's true that Steve is more attentive to my needs now. Steve will say himself that he's not happy unless he thinks he's satisfied me first, and it's true that that's the focus of our our lovemaking these days.
Stephanie: OK. Final question. Sue, are you happy in this role? Would you go back to how it was before?
Susan: Oh gosh no I would never go back having tasted just how good being in charge can be, and yes, I'm very happy - We're very happy...
Steven: The fact that Sue is happy is what makes me happy!
That seemed like a good place to end the interview. In actual fact, since that interview took place I have meet Sue and Steve on many occasions, socially and formally, and even stayed with them more than once, and we have become good friends. I can report without fear of contradiction that they are a happy and well adjusted couple. They have a wide circle of friends and get on well with everybody. Sue seems to be very happy to be in charge and Steve seems very happy to accept her authority. I have never heard them argue, and often it would only take a raised eyebrow from Sue to get Steve to see things her way. In many ways they are a model for the future. The 1950's with a 2010 twist. So ladies... You can have your cake and eat it too! Sign in to shemakestherules.com and find yourself your own Steve and enjoy!
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