Saturday, 5 December 2009

Towards a Female Led Society - Part Two (The marketing of FLR)

In my last article I asked how we could progress to a Female-led society. I have no real answers, but some suggestions and, I'm afraid, yet more questions.

One of the correspondents (Bob) to this site (and, by the way, I am always grateful for feedback, opinions, suggestions and support!) made the very perceptive comment that in fact many more households are female-led than perhaps we think; with wives making decisions, controlling the finances and sharing the services of their menfolk (read his comments here, and here). Whilst this is undoubtedly true, were you to question either member of such a marriage if they consider themselves to be living in a female-led relationship or in a female supremacist marriage I suspect that either party, male or female, would probably laugh and deny it. They make make some joke, intended to be ironic, about “she's the boss” or some such – but it would be intended to convey humour.

So why would such couples deny the reality of the situation? Why not acknowledge the fact that the wife is the head of the household? Other than societal conditioning and patriarchal peer pressure, once again I have no real answer.

Another question. Given the unquestioned rise of women in western society, and given the communication revolution that has been wrought by the Internet, why is is still the case that there are more men seeking a female-led relationship than there are women? It is often said that there are around 10 submissive men for every dominant woman. I have no empirical evidence to support that number, but as I write today the (albeit very unscientific) poll on this blog has around 11:1 men:women responses. Now this is perhaps unsurprising in a blog of this nature – I'm pleasantly surprised that any women at all would read this – but few sites, even the redoubtable “She Makes the Rules” site, have a much better ratio.

On the face of it this disparity seems strange. Women the world over complain that their men don't do enough around the house, that they are not valued, and that men don't do as they are told; and yet there are thousands of men who want to live in the service of their wives. What woman would not want to to live in a household where her word was law, where housework – all housework – was a man's job, and where she is worshipped as a Goddess or treated as a queen? The answer to this question is complex. In part it is because few women have been brought up to expect this position, and in part it is because women can function in an environment based upon equality, in a way that men cannot, and often strive for equality in a relationship when actually they would be better to assert their natural superiority.

I need to explain that statement. Both William Bond (a prolific writer and Female Supremacist) and Ms Blanche Black (an intelligent and thoughtful proponent of Matriarchy) make much the same points; they argue that
“[women] are far better communicators and can discuss among themselves what needs to be done, with far less conflict and so can work together without a leader”,1
and so strive for equality. Men on the other hand are essentially competitive pack animals who look to become the pack leader, but who will show obedience to recognised authority such as with military hierarchies or sports coaches. As Ms Black says:
...the men of our culture publicly show reverence and submission all the time. They show reverence for and unquestioning submission to rituals of national unity, fraternal rights of passage, military superiors, and athletic coaches. They show emotional abandon and devotion towards sports teams, sports cars, and successful male role models. In plain sight, men who our society recognizes as masculine are submissive with certain people, and in certain contexts. They know that public submission and deference to others doesn't make them weak-willed, because society recognizes the ability of men to be submissive in certain relationships while remaining competitive and assertive in others. As long as their submission is aimed at men and male traditional values, no one has a problem with it.2

It can be said therefore that men need authority and discipline, women on the other hand are more capable of seeing the bigger picture and are able to function in a consensus-driven environment.

What we need to do therefore is to demonstrate to women that men function better when given structure and clear leadership and that women, given their greater powers of perception and clear thinking, are better suited to providing that leadership. If it is clear to a man who is the leader of the pack he will follow that leader without question. It should be clear from this therefore that women should co-operate with one-another, but should take the leadership role with men. Aiming for equality will not work. Men respect leaders, and are happier when it is clear who that is.

So how can we persuade more women of the undoubted benefits of a FLR? I think that part of the problem lies in the image of female domination. Most women, I suspect, are aware of the fantasy figure of the leather-clad, thigh-booted, whip-wielding dominatrix and most regard it as frankly ridiculous. It is of course a male fantasy. Some women might happily embrace the image as a bit of fun or as a temporary game to spice up a saucy night of passion (usually to please their partner), but few would consider it as a realistic proposition as a lifestyle. And herein lies the problem; we need a better marketing department. We need to get the message out that FLR is not the same thing as pandering to a slightly ridiculous sexual fantasy, it is a framework for a happy and successful relationship which benefits both partners.

There are positive signs. Amongst the wealth of fantasy sites, there are more and more now which are focussed not on fetish and kink, but on the woman's wants and needs. The redoubtable She Makes the Rules site is a leader in this field, but there are many more. To find them however, you need to be looking. Few women, I suspect, go looking on the internet for Female-Led resources unless they have been prompted to do so (usually by a husband or boyfriend). What we need is some mainstream publicity. One idea that I would like to see might be an article in a leading women's magazine like Cosmopolitan or Company with a sympathetic author prepared to point out the myriad benefits to both male and female of a female-led relationship without any sniggering innuendo. That, together with a realistic landing pad (such as the SMTR site) where prospective women leaders would not be put off by leery fantasists could provide the catalyst to far more women embracing the lifestyle themselves or appreciating and encouraging it in others. That is only one suggestion. But there are still problems...Who could write such an article? (It would have to be written by a woman, from a woman's point of view) and how could we get it published in such a mainstream publication? Anyone know any journalists / publishers? Any other ideas? Do please add your comments.

1 William Bond Why Men Are The Submissive Sex

2 Ms Blanche Black Chivalry is Not Dead

By the way - do please read other posts by the above authors.
Ms Blanche Black
William Bond


Saharah said...

This is it - - in a perfectly packed nutshell! It's paramount to approach FS with the above mind-set - truly. Without the integrity, focus, assertiveness and empathy of a
woman, a man is like an unguided missile. She must both cultivate his strengths and nourish his soul for the betterment of society. Thanks for writing interesting blogs
and for being a supporter of Female Supremacy. Happy, healthy, peaceful New Year to you!

Saharah Eve

Anonymous said...

The marketing of FLR. Women will work out a way to successfully "market" (good term) FLR, in a way that is non-threatening and unreproachable. After all, didn't they "market" feminism exceptionally well?

Women have a way of taking sadistic hierarchical sex-role-enforcing fascistic ideologies - feminism, femdom - and articulating them in a way so as to make them beyond criticism.

Patrick said...

Anonymous sounds insecure, scared and bitter. Fascistic? You're right, feminism was pure fascism, eh? Giving women the right to vote? Oh my god! How about opportunity to pursue education and careers? Fascism too, right?

Femdom is largely male driven, Anonymous. All that sadistic leather and whips stuff is invented by men. In the BDSM scene there are many more dominant men and submissive women than vice versa. It looks like you are wrong again.

It's a typical response from a disgruntled man who can't accept that he doesn't have women under his thumb any more. It's funny, the men that come out of the wood work so concerned about "equality" only now that dominance is slipping from their grasp. By your own assertion you weren't concerned at all about equality for women. Life will be very difficult for men like you over the next couple of decades. Get ready for a pity party.

FLR is not fascistic. Nobody can force it on you. You are free to accept or reject any relationship terms you please but so are the prospective women you may be interested in.

You've probably never thought of it but your version of equality is probably the status quo - men make the rules while the woman plays the background, while you strut around and pay lip service to equality. If that's what you want that's fine, but at least be honest about it.

FLR literature is very up front about the relationship structure and people are free to accept or reject it. It is you who is desperately trying to covertly hold on to power. So, who is the real fascist?

Anonymous said...

Two things:

Patrick is just SOOOOO cool. I like how he can psychoanalyze anonymous from just a few paragraphs but yet utterly ignore that many male status games are played for women's benefit.It's sort of like ignoring the nose in front of your face. I'd worry about refuting his other "arguments" (male privilege,etc) his use of shaming language, and etc, but it's really not worth it.

What really makes femdom and female supremacy a hard sell is that the vast majority of women have hypergamous sexual instincts and are more comfortable submitting than dominating. Good luck changing human nature. You'll need it.


BOB said...

MR Steve T
You seem to have abandoned this blog, which is regretable since it was very interesting.I t was nice to read a blog about Femal Led Relationships and Matriarchy that didnt focus on whips ,chains, leather and kinky sex play.

But i thank you for posting as long as you did. i did want to bring to your attention a couple of things. You might want to read the July/August 2010 issue of The Atlantic Monthly[ i cant link, but its online if you want to read it]Its front cover story "the end of men", is about the growing economic,educational and political power of women.

Also there have been several articles in american newspapers this week about the fact that women now recieve PHDs at a higher rate then men[they already outnumbered men in all other degrees]

I hope that you recieve this comment and that you get a chance to read the magazine article. I think that you would find t interesting.

I also hope that one day you start up your blog again. At least in america , i see more and more women becoming more and more assertive and powerful. they arent dressing up as dominatrixes.But i personally know many who "wear the trousers in the house" .And one sees more and more women joining amatuer sports leagues,ect. More and more American women [ i cant speak about other countries] are taking thier newfound status for granted.

In the 80s a man would be complimented for helping to do the dishes after a dinner party .By the year 2000 many women take it for granted that the men wil clean up.This isnt the case everywhere[ i live in an urban east coast area that is very liberal].But it is getting more and more common.

I find this change in satuses for both men and women interesting in an intellectual way.And of course i will admit to finding it somewhat sexually arousing as well

So i hope that one day again that you will discus these types of changes and how a female led society is more than just a male fantasy about women with whips ,ect

Best wishes to you MR Steve T and i hope that you recieve this comment

MistressLisa said...

Nice article. And I do agree that we need better marketing/promoting of Female-led relationships (FLR). But in addition to the "She who makes the rules" website, another good resource is the book "Venus on Top". We need more stuff like this that is more female friendly and promotes women in charge.

Also there are some of other problems with getting toward a female-led society:
-I noticed there are more submissive females than dominant females or submissive males in the bdsm lifestyle when I go to munches. I am usually one of the only female dommes at events. and I usually only see one or two submissive males. I wish more dominant females and submissive males would come out. And I used to run my own femdomme/malesub munch but again it was hard to get many people to come out of their houses and attend events.
-More submissive males out there are too kink-focused or sex-focused. We need more service-oriented male subs. Those who truly want to submit and be of assistance to women, rather than focus on what they want.

By the way, I did like the idea of having more FLR articles in mainstream magazines but I do not think it necessarily has to be an article written by a woman. It could be from a male in a loving, Female-led relationship, or by a couple showing both perspectives.

Gynarchy said...

Hello everyone , I'm working with the goddess dawn to invite you for helping us to achieve the matriarchy for the benefits of the world . Firstly, we need you to join this group at FB :
And join this great website too please:
This last one too ,,
We want the migration of men so you can live with us in places we will have soon . We want everyone to survive. There is a farm and a dungeon in California if you are interested .

Contact us;
516-847-2209 Text 631-894-4414.

Goddess dawn E-mail:

Gynarchy said...

Hey everyone
Our goddess said the following :
The sex games - it is what they "think" they want. I monitor world stats. They need to experience the bad, the beatings, the traps, the hatred, the torture and the magnitude of literal torture WOMEN have lived for how long now? It may be that it is the only way men will come to realize whooops that was a wrong turn...and some never get out. Others will watch, until they are convinced they should jump into the dark tank of uncertainty...and then come to realize, shit I should've ran...but meanwhile the "alleged" submissive men are seeking out the dominating dungeons of the world because it is the largest of fetish-ism-sex-sector, but it is leaving them the emptiest. More fakes than anything and that is not an opinion either. I go by math and I wish my stats were more positive. I don't want men wiped out like this, through traps, games, pure hatred, and sexual lures to nothingness. It was a set up from the start and the men need to learn to: DIFFERENTIATE between what is real and what is not. If it leaves you with nothing, and completes, or accomplishes no result then it was nothing to start with. Math. Is there anyone who sees the math